The Paperwork Apocalypse

Let's be honest: the tech industry has been begging for more regulation. Just like toddlers beg for broccoli and executives beg for reasonable work-life balance. The RAISE Act arrives like a concerned parent saying "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" to an industry that keeps building increasingly powerful systems while muttering "what could possibly go wrong?" under its breath.

The bill's genius lies in its simplicity. Instead of trying to prevent AI from developing consciousness or accidentally creating paperclip factories that consume the universe, it focuses on what really matters: documentation. Because if there's one thing that stops a rogue algorithm from taking over the stock market, it's knowing it has to file paperwork with Albany.

The 72-Hour Grace Period

The legislation's most innovative feature is the 72-hour incident reporting window. This gives AI companies plenty of time to:

• Realize their system has started writing its own constitution
• Panic quietly in a series of emergency Zoom calls
• Consult with lawyers about liability
• Draft a press release that says "unexpected emergent behavior" instead of "our creation wants to replace us"
• Finally fill out the state's online form before the deadline

It's the bureaucratic equivalent of giving students three days to report they've accidentally created a black hole in the science lab. Plenty of time to consider your options!

Safety Protocols: Now With More Bullet Points

The requirement to publish safety protocols is particularly brilliant. We can already imagine the documents:

Current AI Safety Protocol: "We have a red button somewhere. Probably. Dave might know where it is. Dave left last month."

Post-RAISE Act Safety Protocol: "Our comprehensive 87-page safety framework includes quarterly review cycles, multi-stakeholder oversight committees, and a clearly marked 'DO NOT PRESS' button that definitely won't make things worse if someone presses it."

The Small Company Exemption

In a move that demonstrates deep understanding of startup culture, the bill only applies to large developers. Because everyone knows small AI companies can't possibly create dangerous systems. They're too busy:

• Running out of runway
• Pivoting from "AI for pets" to "AI for pet insurance"
• Asking their three employees to work weekends
• Describing their technology as "like ChatGPT, but for [insert niche here]"

It's the regulatory equivalent of saying "don't worry about the guy building a nuclear reactor in his garage—he only has 50 followers on LinkedIn."

The Compliance Industrial Complex

Let's not overlook the real winners here: consultants. The RAISE Act is basically a jobs program for people who know how to create PowerPoint decks about "AI governance frameworks." We're about to see a gold rush of:

AI Safety Consultants: "For just $500,000, we'll help you develop protocols that sound impressive but don't actually interfere with your shipping schedule."

Compliance Software Startups: "Our SaaS platform automates the process of documenting why your AI decided to recommend investing everyone's life savings in beanie babies."

Conference Organizers: "Join us at AI Safety Summit 2026, where executives will give talks about responsibility while secretly checking how much their stock went up this quarter."

The Paper Trail to Nowhere

What's most charming about this legislation is its faith in documentation. It operates on the assumption that if we just write enough reports, we can prevent technological catastrophe. It's like trying to stop a hurricane by filing weather observation forms. Thoroughly! In triplicate!

But let's give credit where it's due: at least someone's trying. While Silicon Valley executives are busy giving TED Talks about "AI for good" and "ethical innovation," New York is actually making them write down what "good" and "ethical" mean in practice. Even if that practice mostly involves checking boxes on government forms.