The Inbox of Theseus

Google's grand vision appears to be an inbox so thoroughly managed by AI that you, the human, become a mere spectator. The assistant will presumably draft replies, prioritize messages, and schedule follow-ups. It's the corporate equivalent of hiring a personal assistant whose sole job is to sort the junk mail that another department keeps sending you.

The Paywall to Productivity

The most deliciously ironic part? This digital secretary is gated. You must be on an AI Pro or Ultra plan. Because in 2025, basic competence—like not writing 'per my last email' in ALL CAPS—is a premium feature. It's a brilliant business move: first, let email become an unbearable hellscape of notifications and CC chains, then sell people the shovel to dig themselves out.

The age and geographic restrictions are the cherry on top. Adults only in North America. Perhaps the AI isn't emotionally mature enough to handle the existential dread of a European's work-life balance, or the chaotic energy of a teenager's spam folder.

Solving the Wrong Problem with More Technology

The tech industry's playbook is now painfully predictable: identify a human-made problem (email spam, meeting overload, burnout), then propose a technological solution that requires more screen time, more data sharing, and another monthly fee. The core issue—that we use email as a catch-all for every thought, task, and passive-aggressive office maneuver—remains blissfully unaddressed.

This assistant won't teach you to write concise emails or to pick up the phone. It will just help you generate more volume, faster. It's a turbocharger for the engine of communication bloat.